Hebrews 7:25

Measure

It has been a while since I've been able to participate with my Five minute Friday friends. It is good to be back!

As soon as I saw Kate's note that this week's word was Measure, the song from 4Him began playing in my head... do you know that one? The Measure of a Man. It's really old, okay not that old, but like 25 years old, which in today's music world is ancient. LOL!

How do we measure what is inside a man or woman? The Bible tells us that only God can discern the thoughts of our hearts. Yet, I've often read the phrase to "take the measure of a man" in books, so there must be something that helps us discern.

I think this measuring is by focusing on the fruit of someone's life. Now, no one is perfect, least of all me, so let's start with some extra grace.

If someone were to look at the fruit of my life what might they find to measure me by? I try to always speak the truth. Sometime that requires me to be silent because I have nothing helpful to say. I know that my words can bring joy and healing, or pain and arguing. Which words are being measured today?

I've also heard the saying that our character is "measured by what we do when no one is watching." Hmm... how do I spend those few quiet times? Am I spending it in prayer, or reading God's Word, or writing an encouraging note to a friend? These actions, or my lack of them, might figure into that measuring.

Daily I am thankful for grace. I want to be a person who is known for a generous heart and a kind spirit. May I allow God to mold me to be more like Him, so my measure would reflect His glory.

Hebrews 6:19

#parentingtruth No. 11 - relationships

Today I feel the need to circle back around to the parenting versus everything else theme once again. Think of it as another look at #parentingtruth No. 2, but from the perspective of your children.

Your marriage relationship should be greater than your parenting relationships, but only because you have all of your relationships in the correct places. If you are a Christian, then your relationships should look something like this:

1- God

2- Spouse

3- Family (children)

4- Family (parents, siblings, and other family members)

5- Church/ Christian friends

6- Job/ vocation

7- Hobby groups/ neighbors, others

While some of you may rearrange numbers 4-7, the top three need to stay in this order if you want to live a life with any semblance of peace. If you’re not cultivating your relationship with God by reading your Bible (or a Bible app) and praying on a regular basis - like daily, then your marriage and family relationships will go sour. If you repeatedly put your children before your spouse, you may wake up one day to an empty bed. Your spouse is not more important than your children as a person, because they are all important to God, but your spousal relationship needs to come first, and your children need to learn to respect that.

We all as parents are going to have days, weeks even, when our childrens’ needs are going to come first - someone is sick, they need a week of potty training, etc. Where today’s #parentingtruth comes in is when your children learning that they may not be happy with you doing something with Dad (or Mom) before you answer their question or read them a book, but they understand that your spouse is important, and learn to wait patiently. After all, your children will likely move out after around 20 years or so, but I truly hope you’re not waiting for your spouse to move out!

When children learn that our main priorities do not change, it gives them a sense of security. Knowing that Mom will always find time to read her Bible every week, or kiss Dad every day lets them know that even when their world is uncertain, like during a move to a new house or when there is upheaval among their friends, life at home can stay mostly the same…even if it happens at a different location.

One important part of this #parentingtruth about marriage being greater than parenting is taking turns being the disciplinarian. If one of you is always the good parent and the other one always the bad parent, your children are going to get confused about your characters. Don’t play good cop/ bad cop with your kids. If they misbehave about something that Dad told them not to do, then let Dad set the ruling about their punishment. If he told them to put their toys away and it did not happen, then if Dad takes all their toys from the floor and puts them in the garage for a week, Mom had better not sneak them out and give them back. On the other side, if Mom is really frustrated about something the kids are doing (or not doing - like taking out the trash), then Dad needs to step aside and let Mom lay down the law on the newly acquired chores those kids will be doing in addition to the ones they neglected. The best part about this type of a parenting relationship is that your children learn that neither of you is a pushover, AND that neither of you is always mad at them. They learn that both parents are more fun, and let the kids have more fun, when they do their chores on time and behave well. Don’t you want your kids to remember the fun you had as a family and not all the times of arguments?

The final part of today’s lesson about parenting is to be realistic. Some days you will falter. Okay, a lot of times you will feel like a failure as a parent. But if you forgive yourself, your children are more likely to believe you when you tell them that you forgive them when they fail.

Love people, starting with your Heavenly Father, and ending with everyone. The world already has plenty of cranky people, what it needs is more smiling ones. :)

Hebrews 6:12

Hebrews 6:10

#parentingtruth No. 10 - Poverty

Today’s #parentingtruth is a touchy subject: poverty. Why do we struggle to admit that there are many, many families living in poverty? And - what kind of poverty are they living in?

Let us begin with the first question, and work our way through to the second, and see how they both relate to parenting our children.

Poverty in America in 2019 will be defined as a family of four making less than $25,750, or a family of 8 making less than $43,430. These are the guidelines the US Government has established to use for judging whether or not a family might apply for various forms of assistance. How do these numbers translate? In 2017, the last year with numbers I could find, about 12% of Americans lived in households below the poverty line, while about 20% of children lived in a family at or below the poverty level.

Now, here is where real life experience kicks in: when the girls were little there were several years when we lived with an income below the (then current) poverty level. Yet, we never went hungry. Some people would say that this was because we had a good support network, which was true, but I contend it was because God was providing what we needed. 

What we call the poverty level in America is still pretty lush compared to most of the rest of the world lives in. So if you are focusing on how God is providing for all your needs, even if He doesn’t always supply all your wants, your outlook on life is much brighter.

Here is the second question:

There is a bad kind of poverty here in America, it is the kind where alcohol or drugs rule the family. This is not a poverty of the cash variety, but a poverty of the soul. This is the kind of poverty that we as Christians pray for Jesus to overcome. These are the households where someone’s addiction is causing chaos, either directly through abuse, or indirectly through neglect. This is the kind of poverty where children go to bed hungry, where basic needs are unmet, and where education and solid relationships are not valued.

If your family is dealing with a poverty caused by addiction or abuse - please, PLEASE get help! Call one of the national drug abuse hotlines, visit a local church or trustee’s office to locate help, or contact your local police station.

In our family we chose to be cash poor in order to be family rich. I resigned a good paying job in order to raise our girls. It was not always easy, but it was worth it! We spent a lot of time together, at home, at the park, playing in the yard, going to the library or free days at local museums. I would always rather have rich family relationships than have a bank account full of money.

If your family is living at or below the poverty line, or you know someone who is, please allow me to share some #parentingtruth tips we have learned over the years.

Rely on God, not money. Your provision should come from God, not your bank account. Think back to when Jesus was being tempted by Satan in the wilderness. Jesus shared the Scripture “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Jesus was not saying that we could live without eating, He was reminding Satan that what God says matters more than anything else. God has been a provider from the very beginning of time, trust Him to be able to provide for you today. Many, many times I would sit down at my desk to pay the bills and pray “Lord, please multiply what we have to be enough to pay all these bills this month.”

Learn the value of a dollar. Living in a cash poor family does not ruin childhood, in fact, I want to make the case that it can enhance it. When a family does not have a lot of money to spend on gadgets and toys, a child is encouraged to use their imagination. Creative play starts in a child’s mind, and leads then to explore and appreciate what they create. When we were little my brother was always making us little figures out of paper to play with…mostly ones from Star Wars. When our girls were little they would use whatever they could find to create forts, dress up as princesses or knights, or recreate a zoo with their stuffed animals or plastic figures. None of this cost extra money, and yet, it kept us (and them) entertained for hours! When our children learn what a dollar can and cannot purchase, they appreciate everything more.

Reuse, recycle, barter. Did you grow up wearing hand-me-downs? While the world will always be around telling you that you need to buy more stuff, smart parents recognize the value in reusing things. If your 4 year old daughter can wear what her 6 year old sister used to wear, I say go for it. It might be nice to purchase a new storage cabinet or bookshelf, but if you can find one at goodwill or a garage sale that you can use, or repaint and use, for $10 instead of $80, I call that bargain shopping, or smart recycling! Did you know that you can still barter for things? While traditional bartering for goods requires you to fill out tax paperwork, there is nothing wrong with trading with other parents for some free time. When the girls were little several of us from church would take turns watching each others’ kids so each couple could have an occasional date night. You didn’t need a lot of money to accomplish it, just some time, and some patience…and some PBJ’s and crackers.

Make it yourself. One of the main keys of spending your limited cash wisely is learning to make things yourself. For some families that means making your own laundry detergent, for others it means baking your own bread. For a lot of us the easiest thing is to make your own food at home and not eat fast food. This might extend to sewing your children’s clothes or knitting them a scarf. It might also lead to planting a garden and growing your own lettuce, tomatoes and green beans. Learning a skill so that you can make one or more things yourself saves your family money. 

A second part to this #parentintruth about poverty is realizing all the things you really don’t need. Do you want it or do you need it? I want to be able to read a new book, but I do not need a new book. I can choose from several options: borrow the new book from the library, or from a friend; look for the book at a bargain bookstore; read a book I already own; go outside on a hike and come home too tired to read. :)

All of this can be summed up like this: It is okay to be poor. The quality of our lives should not be determined by what we own, but rather by the experiences we have, the relationships we are a part of, and the people we serve in the communities around us. This is a life that is full, abundant, and impacts others for their good. This is a rich life!