#parentingtruth No. 11 - relationships

Today I feel the need to circle back around to the parenting versus everything else theme once again. Think of it as another look at #parentingtruth No. 2, but from the perspective of your children.

Your marriage relationship should be greater than your parenting relationships, but only because you have all of your relationships in the correct places. If you are a Christian, then your relationships should look something like this:

1- God

2- Spouse

3- Family (children)

4- Family (parents, siblings, and other family members)

5- Church/ Christian friends

6- Job/ vocation

7- Hobby groups/ neighbors, others

While some of you may rearrange numbers 4-7, the top three need to stay in this order if you want to live a life with any semblance of peace. If you’re not cultivating your relationship with God by reading your Bible (or a Bible app) and praying on a regular basis - like daily, then your marriage and family relationships will go sour. If you repeatedly put your children before your spouse, you may wake up one day to an empty bed. Your spouse is not more important than your children as a person, because they are all important to God, but your spousal relationship needs to come first, and your children need to learn to respect that.

We all as parents are going to have days, weeks even, when our childrens’ needs are going to come first - someone is sick, they need a week of potty training, etc. Where today’s #parentingtruth comes in is when your children learning that they may not be happy with you doing something with Dad (or Mom) before you answer their question or read them a book, but they understand that your spouse is important, and learn to wait patiently. After all, your children will likely move out after around 20 years or so, but I truly hope you’re not waiting for your spouse to move out!

When children learn that our main priorities do not change, it gives them a sense of security. Knowing that Mom will always find time to read her Bible every week, or kiss Dad every day lets them know that even when their world is uncertain, like during a move to a new house or when there is upheaval among their friends, life at home can stay mostly the same…even if it happens at a different location.

One important part of this #parentingtruth about marriage being greater than parenting is taking turns being the disciplinarian. If one of you is always the good parent and the other one always the bad parent, your children are going to get confused about your characters. Don’t play good cop/ bad cop with your kids. If they misbehave about something that Dad told them not to do, then let Dad set the ruling about their punishment. If he told them to put their toys away and it did not happen, then if Dad takes all their toys from the floor and puts them in the garage for a week, Mom had better not sneak them out and give them back. On the other side, if Mom is really frustrated about something the kids are doing (or not doing - like taking out the trash), then Dad needs to step aside and let Mom lay down the law on the newly acquired chores those kids will be doing in addition to the ones they neglected. The best part about this type of a parenting relationship is that your children learn that neither of you is a pushover, AND that neither of you is always mad at them. They learn that both parents are more fun, and let the kids have more fun, when they do their chores on time and behave well. Don’t you want your kids to remember the fun you had as a family and not all the times of arguments?

The final part of today’s lesson about parenting is to be realistic. Some days you will falter. Okay, a lot of times you will feel like a failure as a parent. But if you forgive yourself, your children are more likely to believe you when you tell them that you forgive them when they fail.

Love people, starting with your Heavenly Father, and ending with everyone. The world already has plenty of cranky people, what it needs is more smiling ones. :)