Write into the Hard Things

Write into the hard things. That is one of many insightful things that Leslie Leyland Fields imparted to us during her online writing class in April, May and June. Write into them, and then let God redeem them. It may not happen overnight, it may not even happen this side of eternity, but it is GOD who redeems us and our brokenness and uses it for His glory. 

Leslie taught these lessons from her newest book: Your Story Matters. It was a really good class. It is an even better book. There are a lot of hard (read to understand as: difficult) things in each of our lives. And there are good things as well. Sometimes the same instance is both hard and good.

At the end of May, our daughters and I were in a car accident. Someone else ran a red light, and hit us while we were turning. This has been a really, really long nine weeks. The girls' injuries are healed, mine are not. This is my hard thing right now. I want God to redeem it, to use it for His glory, and my good. So I am choosing to overcome the listlessness and apathy that come at the end of each hard day, and write. I write a lot, then none, then a little more, it is sporadic. Today I am sharing from early on, just a handful of days after the accident.

Week one, part one

Here I lie, flat on my back like a corpse in a morgue, except I'm not dead.

I know I'm supposed to be thankful, rather I am supposed to give thanks in all circumstances, but truthfully, it is hard to give thanks when you're consumed by pain. It must be around 2 a.m., I'm afraid to try to turn over and reach for my phone to confirm this hypothesis. I've been a wake for a while now. I took more Tylenol already, cranked back up the temperature on the heating pad I'm lying on, and yet, the pain continues.

How could one little car wreck cause so much pain? Will I be stuck feeling this way forever? I surely hope not. I feel awful. At least it wasn't worse- I'm not in the hospital in traction - I'll give thanks for that. I don't think my husband believes I'm badly injured. He is used to me being able to do whatever needs done. I know I don't look injured, but Oh! how I feel it!

So here I lie in the dark in the middle of the night and think and pray. At least when I'm praying for others I can block out most of the pain. Oh wait. Who was I praying for? It's okay, I'll start again. The pain in my neck has made it difficult to hold my concentration these past few days since the accident. It has also made my right elbow and outside two fingers either tingle or go numb often.

to be continued...

And then there were none

Once there was a mom with two daughters. She homeschooled them and loved on them, and even made dinner pretty regularly. Her husband went to work, and came home to see what the girls had learned. She worked outside the home too, but a lot of the world didn't understand how that was possible. She wasn't too sure herself, but knew that she carried on by God's grace alone.

Then one of those little girls grew up and went to college, then the other one did too.

And now there were no little girls to homeschool. And the world changed.

Well, really, the world didn't change that much, but the mom did.

So many possibilities, so many struggles over, and new ones to come. It was time for a change in her life - but which change? 

Perhaps you've deduced by now that the mom in our story is me - good for you! I dedicated 16 years of my life to homeschooling our daughters. My husband thinks I should be running out to get a full time job. He doesn't realize that I've had two full time jobs for 16 years, well, truly, three jobs.

I feel a little like General Waverly in White Christmas. You know the part where Bing Crosby sings "What do you do with a General, when he stops being a General?" 

What do you do with a homeschooling mom who is done and wants to change direction? I feel vastly under-qualified for many jobs I would love to have, and vastly over-qualified for many of the ones I see open to me.

I really enjoy my current job. As in I like it - a lot! But is that all I should be doing? Is my husband right? Am I being silly or selfish, or am I right where God wants me to be?

I also want to write. But this book writing thing is a long-term commitment. And while I've gotten the first chapter out of my head and started on the second, I think I need a re-write because I'm not satisfied with the tone of my writing. Funny isn't it? I'm often able to re-write what others say, and make it clearer and more enjoyable to read, but I'm currently struggling with how to re-write my own words.

It has been over a year since our youngest graduated. What comes next? Do I go back to school? Do I look for a writing job that pays now, but might put my book writing on hold? Do I look for a different day job that I might not love as much as my current one because it offers different benefits? I don't know. There are so many variables in this life. 

There is one thing I do know - God is right here with me. He can and will lead me where I need to go. I want to be attuned to His presence and His direction. I don't want to step ahead or fall behind. 

There is something else - I know I want to make a difference in this world. So each day I ask Him to lead me to one person that I can point to Him. One person I can show God's love to. Some days He brings a lot more than just one.

So now there are none left in our little homeschool. A few books to pass on, a few books to sell, and a lot of time to think. Funny how you struggle to find time to think when you're busy educating a child. Today I've thought a lot and not come up with any answers. Tonight I'll go back before the presence of my Heavenly Father, my Abba, Daddy in prayer and ask for direction. One step. That's all I need light for today, just the next step.

If you're in the middle of a time of change - spend it in prayer. God won't leave you to drift aimlessly - He will direct your path - one step at a time.

Community - part 1

What first comes to mind when you hear the word community?


No really, I'll wait for you to think about it...








Are you thinking of a beach-front community? You know, the way a realtor advertises a house or condo to make it more attractive by labeling it "part of a beach-front community."

Or maybe you're thinking about that line you hear at church " a community of believers."


Something else?


What would you have thought when you were 10 or 12 years old? Would you have had any idea what to say if your Grandma asked you about a community?

Our definitions in our head are often different than those in the dictionary. In high school I learned that this was the word's connotation (what we think of) instead of its denotation (what the dictionary says.)

Our ideas about a word (connotation), often change as we get older. Funny that. The dictionary definitions (denotations) often change over time too. Words that were used often 200 years ago are now labeled as archaic, or do not even get space in modern dictionaries. Many people would rather look at a website like Wikipedia than pull out an actual dictionary or encyclopedia. I'm not opposed to using either, but I'm more likely to put stock in what the book says over what the collective internet users say - shocking right?!

My modern dictionary says this about community: a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common

My reprint of Noah Webster's 1828 dictionary said this: a society of people having common rights and privileges, or common interests, civil, political, or ecclesiastical 

So which would you rather belong to, a beach front community, senior community, a gated or farm community? That's what the modern definition seems to imply. Community means living in the same place. Does that actually make a community? Maybe. But I think it often lacks a depth of closeness or relationships. 

I've lived in several communities in my life, in regards to a physical place. But what I think we long for is the older definition: having common interests, common rights, having a place where we belong as a person, not just as a number.

I've been writing about community this past month for my book, and it has given me pause. We take so much for granted because we hurry through this life. Where is the community you MOST want to belong to? Is it important enough for you to invest time into? Do you give to your community or only take? How can we teach another generation about the importance of true community with deep relationships and real responsibilities when we don't live in community ourselves? You cannot teach what you do not know.

It is time for us to step back and evaluate our communities, whether they be by geographical location or by common interests. How can we lift others up? How can we give back more than we take? How can we create and sustain healthy communities for ourselves and our families?

I'll be sharing some more thoughts about community as I work through it myself. In the meantime, feel free to leave a comment and tell me something you appreciate about a community you belong to!