How many times have you been at an outdoor event, like a concert in the park, or a street fair and wondered about the children you encounter? Some of them are so well mannered and polite, while others run around like holy terrors. Ever wonder what the difference was? I have a hunch it relates to today’s #parentingtruth: follow through, or, in one word: consistency.
Oh, I can hear some of you moaning already, and trust me, I feel your pain - but I am here today to tell you that this one #parentingtruth is the biggest thing short of Jesus that is going to change your family’s day to day life!
What exactly is follow through? It is you, deciding each and every hour of every day that you are going to show up for your job as a parent. Follow through equals consistency, and that brings peace. Consistency in the house rules, consistency in discipline when needed, and consistency in love and forgiveness.
Someone is going to be running and ruling your household - it can be you - or it can be your kids. I vote for you!
Consistency means expecting the same (good) behavior from your children every day. It starts when they are just infants, and it lasts a long as they live in your house. It requires you, as the parent, to follow through with unpleasant consequences each and every time they willfully misbehave. This is not about being strict, it is about being consistent. Your kids really need you to be consistent. They will test the boundaries often, but they are doing that because home is a safe place - or it should be - and they want to know that you are still there, and that you still care.
I know it can be hard to be consistent with consequences when yo are already oh-so-tired. A long day at work after a longer night spent caring for a sick or scared child makes it even harder to be consistent… but little eyes and ears are watching and listening… so keep on keeping on! Do not make idle threats to your children when they misbehave - show them the consequences of their behavior, and they will realize that you are willing to follow through, even when you’re tired, it is inconvenient, or you need to excuse yourself and that child from the public eye while you address the issue. I have seen too many families fall into chaos when the older kids hit the teen years because dad and mom were not consistent when the kids were littler. Do you want an adolescent living in your house, or a rebellious teenager? Your follow through, or lack of it, decides which you will end up with.
Loving, gracious parents know that children need discipline. Loving, kind parents extend grace, but still require their children to face the consequences of sin. My husband and I have made lots of mistakes along the way in this parenthood journey, but we have always tried to be consistent with follow through. The results of consistent follow through mean that one day yours will be the well behaved children. It is worth the effort!
Training good behavior is like starting any other good habit - it takes time. While you can probably train the habit of daily tooth brushing to your children in about a month, it is going to take longer for for training their behavior - because you are training their hearts. We train our children to obey by setting our own example of obedience to God. We are not perfect, and our children are not either, so it will take time. Be patient with yourself, and with them. Sometimes the consequences of their misbehavior are going to cause them, and you, to miss out on something fun you’ve planned. This is the stinky part of parenting, but it is necessary. It allows you to teach the lesson that sin hurts others, not just ourselves.
Sometimes our children misbehave because we’ve forgotten to teach them what is expected of them. Watch yourself closely to make sure they are not being punished because you forgot to set the groundwork for the event. Whether you are going to a concert, a birthday party, or even over to Grandma’s house, take a few minutes first and let those 5 and older know what ups expect of them at the event: hold hands while crossing the street, don’t push, wait your turn , and so on. For those littler ones, you are going to have to walk through each new event with them and help them know what to do. Their retention is shorter, and they will need your guidance often. If they have a difficult time with something, you can work on it at home as well. I’ve heard of parents sitting their littler ones down in the living room and practicing being quiet in church. Instead of a sermon, just use a read aloud book. :)
A big part of consistency is requiring your children to go back and re-do the thing they did wrong the correct way. This modeling of the correct behavior leaves a lasting impression. Our girls were very little when they learned that it is NOT ok to grab at Mama’s glasses. That same lesson can be taught for necklaces car keys, etc.
It takes much less time to establish good habits than to break bad ones. So start as young as you can - and practice follow through on a daily basis.
Take heart mom and dad - you can do this! I’m cheering for you. I’ve seen what great rewards await on the other side of your daily struggle to follow through with your parenting choices. It’s worth it!
No comments:
Post a Comment