Saturday, March 14, 2020

And then there were none

life after homeschooling, mid-life, changes

Once there was a mom with two daughters. She homeschooled them and loved on them, and even made dinner pretty regularly. Her husband went to work, and came home to see what the girls had learned. She worked outside the home too, but a lot of the world didn't understand how that was possible. She wasn't too sure herself, but knew that she carried on by God's grace alone.

Then one of those little girls grew up and went to college, then the other one did too.

And now there were no little girls to homeschool. And the world changed.

Well, really, the world didn't change that much, but the mom did.

So many possibilities, so many struggles over, and new ones to come. It was time for a change in her life - but which change? 

Perhaps you've deduced by now that the mom in our story is me - good for you! I dedicated 16 years of my life to homeschooling our daughters. My husband thinks I should be running out to get a full time job. He doesn't realize that I've had two full time jobs for 16 years, well, truly, three jobs.

I feel a little like General Waverly in White Christmas. You know the part where Bing Crosby sings "What do you do with a General, when he stops being a General?" 

What do you do with a homeschooling mom who is done and wants to change direction? I feel vastly under-qualified for many jobs I would love to have, and vastly over-qualified for many of the ones I see open to me.

I really enjoy my current job. As in I like it - a lot! But is that all I should be doing? Is my husband right? Am I being silly or selfish, or am I right where God wants me to be?

I also want to write. But this book writing thing is a long-term commitment. And while I've gotten the first chapter out of my head and started on the second, I think I need a re-write because I'm not satisfied with the tone of my writing. Funny isn't it? I'm often able to re-write what others say, and make it clearer and more enjoyable to read, but I'm currently struggling with how to re-write my own words.

It has been over a year since our youngest graduated. What comes next? Do I go back to school? Do I look for a writing job that pays now, but might put my book writing on hold? Do I look for a different day job that I might not love as much as my current one because it offers different benefits? I don't know. There are so many variables in this life. 

There is one thing I do know - God is right here with me. He can and will lead me where I need to go. I want to be attuned to His presence and His direction. I don't want to step ahead or fall behind. 

There is something else - I know I want to make a difference in this world. So each day I ask Him to lead me to one person that I can point to Him. One person I can show God's love to. Some days He brings a lot more than just one.

So now there are none left in our little homeschool. A few books to pass on, a few books to sell, and a lot of time to think. Funny how you struggle to find time to think when you're busy educating a child. Today I've thought a lot and not come up with any answers. Tonight I'll go back before the presence of my Heavenly Father, my Abba, Daddy in prayer and ask for direction. One step. That's all I need light for today, just the next step.

If you're in the middle of a time of change - spend it in prayer. God won't leave you to drift aimlessly - He will direct your path - one step at a time.

1 comment:

  1. I read your post and I felt sad... sad that I can see the end of my journey ahead of me... another three, maybe four years. But I'm delighted to see your faith in the Lord, hold tight to him!